Disney Can Suck It!

An entry I wrote to my diary as a chubby awkward 12- year- old:

Dear Diary,

My first boyfriend is going to be tall, tan, with bright blue eyes. He’ll have a perfect smile that lights up the room, along with a pair of cute dimples. He’s going to have really nice four-pack abs (six-packs are too over-the-top). My boyfriend’s name is going to be Jake Ryan like the babe from Sixteen Candles. Mr. Jake Ryan is going to be outgoing, really smart, wealthy, sexy, caring, and definitely funny. Above all, he will be extremely romantic.

Jake is going to send me flowers everyday when I’m at work. And then, when I come home from a long day on the job, he’ll have a path of rose petals leading to a hundred candles illuminating the room, and a candle-lit dinner ready for me. Jake is going to always tell me I’m so beautiful and that he is the luckiest man in the world to have me in his life. He won’t be able to keep his hands off me. He will try to cut down kissing me on the forehead, but will find it to be the most challenging thing he has ever done in his life. Jake will take me out to dinner at a five-star restaurant and order the kind of champagne only celebs drink. He’ll look at me from across the table, his eyes completely obsessed with me. Throughout our date, he will take my hand and kiss the top of it without taking his eyes off me.

Jake and I will date for a couple years. Then we’ll get in some silly fight, and stop talking for a week. Then on a rainy day in November, I’ll be at the supermarket (where we met) and he’ll come to me begging for my forgiveness, but I’ll try hard to ignore him. As I start walking away from him, he’ll start making a scene and yell out how he’s so in love with me. He’ll say that he won’t give up until he’s got me. At first, other shoppers in the market will stare at him like he’s crazy, and I’ll get embarrassed. But then when he tells the story about our love and how he’ll do anything to get me back, people will find it adorable and really, really romantic. The women shoppers will be jealous that I found such a perfect man.

Then Jake will slowly walk over to me and wipe away the two tears rolling down my cheek. He’ll smile, reach in his pocket, and kneel down on one knee. Mr. Jake Ryan will gently take my hand and propose to me with a (not-too-big, yet not-too-small) princess-cut diamond ring, which will slip onto my ring finger with ease. I’ll start sobbing (gracefully) and say: “YES!” To which he will jump up, gently grab my face and kiss me passionately while everyone starts clapping and cheering. We’ll then have beautiful wedding on the beach. Later on, I’ll pop out two kids and then we’ll grow old together and live happily ever after. THE END. Diary, I seriously can’t wait to meet my Jake Ryan!


The Hopeless Romantic

I wrote this diary entry when I was just a silly pre-teen and I sincerely thought that one day this cliché chick flick would be the true story of how I found love. Unfortunately, instead of falling in love with Jake Ryan, I have encountered several bumps, ditches, booby-traps, and unexpected turns on the road to finding romance. Had I known the kind of guys I was going to meet and the kind of bizarre experiences I was going to endure, I probably would have chosen the lesbian route. When I look back to this diary entry of a naïve young girl who dreamt of prince charming and living a fairytale, I can’t help but feel envious of her innocence, or delusion- whatever you want to call it.

For years, I have always wondered why girls get the perfect prince charming seed deeply implanted in their minds. I have finally come up with a legitimate answer: I blame Disney. Disney told us finding our prince charming and falling in love and living happily ever after is easy. Aladdin, who is personally the hottest leading male Disney character, took Jasmine for a magic carpet ride around Saudi Arabia for their FIRST DATE. Aladdin never cheated, had a drinking problem, or played video games for days on end! And then there’s Sleeping Beauty; her Prince Phillip found her in the forest one day, and it was love at first sight. This guy was even capable of bringing her out of a serious coma… just by kissing her. Prince Phillip didn’t sleep with her, act cute and all “into her” and then never called again. They were married and lived “Happily Ever After.” Don’t even get me started with Eric from The Little Mermaid… You’d think a guy who is able to fall in love with a mute fish has to have some serious issues in store; but no, he was perfect.

Disney never told us that these guys had flaws and that relationships take work, dedication, and time to improve. Love doesn’t always happen right away, and sometimes love doesn’t end in happily ever after. Disney provided an unrealistic portrayal of love, and for that I have struggled to understand why no one ever warned us that finding true love is incredibly difficult in this day and age. Which is why I present to you my strange version of “fairytales.” My “fairytales” wouldn’t be made into a Disney movie, but they do contain truth and reality… seriously, you can’t make this shit up.



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One thought on “Disney Can Suck It!

  1. Boycott Disney especially for young girls.

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